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IF WINTER HAD A FACE ~ I Would PUNCH It.

A wise person once said:

WINTER is nature’s way of saying……”UP YOURS”.

I don’t know who that wise person was.

I am not wise enough to remember at this particular moment.

Maybe because my brain is frozen.

I am popping vitamins like they are tasty little candies.

And they are not.

I promise.

I am sure if I was sitting and looking at a palm tree right now

I would not need vitamins.

I would be happy to live my life

sitting under a palm tree

and selling coconuts.

 I lie.

Again.

My blog post is a lie festival. What has gotten into me?

Could it be that my important body parts are frozen and I can’t think straight?

I would like that coconut job for about 2 days.

Then I would be bored.

And…. I would want to redesign all the beach huts.

Come to think of it,  I did see beach huts like this in Bali & they would suit me fine :

Dang, I lied again.

Truth is, I would really WANT this beach hut :

Do you think I NEED therapy ? Shut up 

Because it isn’t really a hut.  It’s not a fix r’ upper.  This is not a hut on DIY steroids.  This hut is done.

This is HUT-Perfectiveness.  Seriously, I can smell the coconut body oil from here.  Can’t you?

A girl can dream.

Especially when she is knee-deep in a freakin’ snow bank and can’t breathe out of her frozen nostrils.

So if I lived in such a HUT 

…. I would collect things like these:

….and try to shape them into some funky chandeliers or something really smart.  Like beach intelligence SMART.  No one will have ever thought of it before.  Because my mind would be on beach ecstasy.  I am sure that is illegal…..like I CARE right now.  Or not.

Maybe I would just burn candles and throw the sand everywhere & {kinda} not care where it landed.  Unless the sand landed in my pants.  I hate having sand in my pants. Especially my underpants.  That is wrong.  And it hurts.  Makes me want to run straight to the shower.

And get rid of “little miss droopy pants“.

I would never be crabby.  LIKE EVER.

[Dear husband : note that comment]

It is , after all, in writing.

And I would be so relaxed, I would come up with genius ideas.  Rocket Scientist ideas.

I would attempt sticking tea light candles in …..round carved pieces of wood.

I was having a freak out trying to snap this photo because of how cool it looked in real life.

I couldn’t hold the camera steady.  I might have even been shaking with the anticipation of creating this some day.  Yah, SHAKING !

With a margarita in hand.

Smelling the essence of the aromatherapy oils all around me.

Certainly high on some aroma-essence or something or other.

…..K, nuff of that !!!

Then, in my spare time I would WITTLE wood.

Into a fence.

Because I would know how.

Hola….I am, after all,  living on a beach….in my stupid freakin’ imagination.

After, I would gather up twigs and create some shutters.

 Because I would know how to do that too.

 I could think straight, because my brain wouldn’t be frozen.

Sometimes I would search for my kids.  It’s ok, I didn’t forget that I had kids.

Don’t call child services.

They would be living a life of bliss

{with me, in my imaginary world}.

They would be snorkelling or something.

I personally wouldn’t be snorkelling with them.

I have a fear that a shark will think my belly button ring is a fishing lure.

Just sayin’. I wanna live.

P.S. Please don’t ask me how my daughter convinced this 300 year old tortoise to eat out of her hands.

Or how she got so close to that BIG monstrosity of a tortoise.

Thank GAWD those things can’t move at warp speed.

My heart is still beating about 68 thousand beats per minute ~ just looking at that picture.

So….After a long {imaginary} day of coconut eating until I wanted to throw up….

I would cook a delicious fish dinner outside, because I don’t want that fish stink in my beautifully decorated HUT.

I would never eat this chicken.  Because we all know who lost this fight :

Yes, I was sad when I read this on the menu too.  Save the world.  Eat fish.

 •

I would toodle around the town in my wee old-fashioned Vespa.

{still trying to forget about the sad story of the chicken}

 trying to remind myself of funny chicken jokes & imagining why the chicken crossed the road.

…and all together forget about the true REALITY

*

OUR TRUE CANADIAN WINTER REALITY:

1.  We need to chisel the butter out of the butter dish.  All winter.

2. If you step in an indoor snow puddle do not proceed to putting your boots on.

    I guarantee you will have a bad day because all you will think about is your cold wet foot.

3.  It is essential, to learn early in life, how to survive a snowball fight.

     { This is a skill that all Canadians learn , even before they learn to walk }

4.   Every winter, we need to remind our children to never stick their tongues to a frozen steel pipe.

~   I personally learned that lesson the hard way   ~

What is your Winter dream escape ?

Don’t you dare say SNOW.

***

13 Comments Post a comment
  1. Hi friend! Just stopping by to see what is going on in your world. It’s been all sorts of snowy and raining (absolutely DUMPING NOW) here in Oregon. My SE Asia trip next month is not coming soon enough. Ahhh, sun and beaches :)

    Hope your day is bright and cheery!

    January 19, 2012
  2. I’m living my Winter Dream Escape starting tomorrow…hehe. In my imaginary world and yours, I’m packing you in my little suitcase!

    January 16, 2012
    • Thanks for sneaking me in your suitcase Rose. I travel light. :))) Hope you have a FANTASTIC holiday. Big hug, Lynne xx

      January 17, 2012
  3. SNOW! But just to visit. :-)

    And then wistfully daydream about while I exist in my single season area of the world.

    That’s your problem….you’ve travelled to and lived in too many beautiful places. So sad for you. (be sure you’ve read that with girlfriend sarcastic emphasis)

    Now, spike your hot chocolate, make some frick’n great snow angels and sneak attack someone with a snowball!

    Cheers!

    January 16, 2012
    • I like your thinking ! Fab idea…and love that girlfriend sarcastic emphasis ! It put a big grin on my lily white winter face :) Lynne xx

      January 17, 2012
  4. I think I am going to build that fence…..

    January 16, 2012
    • It is a darn pretty, unique fence. I say GO FOR IT. I saw it in the Seychelles…and it also looked brilliant with gorgeous flowers growing up it. Hope u have a …wittler….:)) Lynne

      January 16, 2012
  5. Funny you posted about this today! This morning I’m in the middle of recovering a chair from our old family cottage in Kincardine. And as I’m taking apart this chair, SAND is falling all over the drop cloth in my bedroom. And I’m thinking to myself, “Self: What in the hell possessed you to do this job in the middle of winter?” And then the sand reminded me of our amazing beach…and listening to the waves….and I felt better.
    Off to take my vitamins!
    :))))

    January 16, 2012
    • Janet, I hope you didn’t get any sand in your underpants today. Good girl, take those vitamins, we can be white and winter pasty together. Lynne xx

      January 17, 2012
  6. I’m going with you Lynne. I will whittle wood, fashion shutters from twigs.( right up my alley)… I won’t go snorkeling because I can’t breathe underwater, even with the proper apparatus. LOOOVE Fish and chicken, but not so much dead cockfight chicken…ewwww! One question…would it be terribly out of place to wear my new Hermes scarf?

    January 16, 2012
    • We would get along like a house on fire traveling ! Your Hermes would be PARFAIT !! xx

      January 16, 2012
  7. Tu #

    Three words…….Turks and Caicos!

    January 16, 2012

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